did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize