i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Everyone says I win the strip club
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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