Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
