On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
