you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
