I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
