Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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