she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
