Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
