new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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