I think scott just propositioned me for sex
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
