No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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