don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
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