Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
