just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
