I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
No subtext here. People are naked.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
