I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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