I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
