you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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