dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
