i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
