Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
