one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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