i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
