Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
