Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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