my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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