You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
