remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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