The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
