Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She's the barista slut.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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