were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
