This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
