Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
