What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
