Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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