yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You need a sexual gate keeper
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
