I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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