I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
