just tell him i said nine months
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
