she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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