Umm I'm too high to move.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
