i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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