Cold hands, warm shart.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
