I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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