oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
lol hangovers are for mortals.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
