Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Ketchup is God's man juice
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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