Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
