I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
