Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
