I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
