Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
