does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
