Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize