She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
