I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
organizing the empties. That sober.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
