so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
