i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
