I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
