I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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