if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
