My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
