i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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