If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
