i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
