Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
