Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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